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OMG! It’s Super Tuesday, and you know what that means… the cutest back-in-the-day pinups of the hottest, raddest Presidential contenders, courtesy of POTUS Pinups magazine! Which one of these cutie patooties would make you wanna be his First Lady? We also got the dirt on their personal faves in these hot interviews we uncovered! Squee!

Ron Paul

Favorite color: Gold
Favorite Spandau Ballet song: Gold
Favorite Bond villain: Goldfinger
Favorite book: The Wizard of Oz
Hobbies: Coin collecting, newsletters, putting my paper route money under the mattress
Quote: “Gosh!”
Overheard: “I like that Mitt guy. I’m playing a prank on Ricky Santorum for him. Mitt was all like, ‘Hey, Ronnie! Wanna shine my shoes? I’ll give you a trillion dollars.’ I was all like, ‘Sure!’ Turns out he was talking about a $100.”
How would you help America? “I’d leave everybody alone. Even gays that I don’t like and Negroes that I never have to see! People should also be able to do dope if they want to. They will be the slowest ones and therefore the first ones killed in the race war. Did I say race war? I meant, erase all wars.”
What do you want to be one day? “Oh, I don’t know, probably a doctor or something. Something that attracts women.”

Newt Gingrich

Nickname: The Great Pumpkin
Favorite type of girl: “Blondes! Very understanding blondes. I just want to find three or four nice ones and not settle down.”
Overheard: “I said tater tots, you dumb bitch. Not French fries. The morning announcement said tater tots! I am the greatest class president this school has ever seen, grandma. I will shut this whole fucking cafeteria down.”
Hobbies: Plotting, scheming, conspiring, conniving, hatching, devising, desiring, coveting, crushing, ruining
Favorite joke: “It is better to be rash than timid, for Fortune is a woman, and the man who wants to hold her down must beat and bully her. We see that she yields more often to men of this stripe than to those who come coldly toward her.”
So who are you taking to the prom? “Whoever’s healthy, I guess. Been a rough winter.”

Mitt Romney

Nicknames: Mitty, Mitter, Mittster, The Mittenator, Mitt-a-Gadda-da-Vida
Hobbies: Looking at trees, frowning at trees, having Carlos measure trees, getting Enrique to cut down some trees
Favorite things: Cars, trees, air, clouds, inanimate objects, animate objects, objects of only three dimensions with a form composed of molecules, human things
If I were President I would: “Make sure the poor get to keep their second home and their boat.”
What’s your favorite TV show? “Oh, gosh, I don’t know. There are so many great ones. What’s that one I see you watching all the time? I like that one.”
What was the last thing you bought? “Uh, let’s see. Some beautiful top-of-the-line luggage. Louis Vuitton! And another dog. Wait, was the luggage today? Heck, I never remember.”
Political views: “I try not to get involved in politics.”

Rick Santorum

Frat Nickname: Dorkmeister/Lick My Scrotum
La-de-da university that forced him to be Liberal: Penn State
Hobbies: Pray-hating, hate-praying
We heard you love Jesus: “Yeah, but in a poker-night kind of way. Just bros. No homo. He tries to hug me or something, I’ll kick his ass.”
Pet peeves: People who think napkins are cars and that America is a salad
Ambitions: To someday be elected Pope, or at least President
Typical gift to his girl: Stillborn fetus, for only God can gift a rape baby
Turn-offs: “Homosexuals. They’re so gross, you know? They do all these weird things. Things there isn’t even a name for.”

Barack Obama

Nicknames: Barry, O, B-Rock tha Perpatrata, That Uppity You-Know-What, “Mr. President”
Biggest regret: Leaving my madrassa in Kenya as per Mr. Soros’ orders
Ambitions: “I’d like to be President one day. Everybody has to respect you if you’re the President.”
Pet peeves: Losing your ID card at school, screwing up the Pledge of Allegiance, cleaning up other people’s crap, having that idiot Ricky Perry looking at my test
Who do you hate the most? “The Ayatollah, man. If I ever get to be President, I’m gonna send some guys to the Middle East and kill that bastard.”
How about these other guys? “They suck, too. I’m sick of having to see their faces all day, knowing how they hate me, and… Willard! Hey, buddy! What’s up? What do you want to do?”
Quote: “Hahahahahaha. Fuck you.”