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I’m watching TV some years ago and I see a commercial for some Dr. Seuss thingamajiggy or something. (I keep the inner eye closed to the ad behemoth at all times.) At one point the announcer said, in a chirpy voice, “Now with all your favorite Dr. Seuss characters!” and followed that with a procession of famous characters like the Grinch and Horton and whatnot. And then it showed something called Knox.

Knox? Knox? My brain froze up. Who the hell was Knox?

As it turns out, this is Knox.


Knox is the supporting character in the classic Fox in Socks. But I’d forgotten that at the time. So I immediately came up with the imaginary book I thought he might have originated from. One that is gross and infantile. And which I’m only posting here because I was asked to. I’m not proud of it. *cackle*

not by Dr. Seuss

Knox sucks cocks
Till they’re harder than rocks.
He sucks like a show
That’s premiering on Fox.
He hangs out at the docks.
The park, and the locks,
And goes down on sailors,
and swimmers, and jocks.
Sometimes for money,
And sometimes for rocks.
Which he smokes in a pipe
That he found in a box
In the back of a Duster
With busted up shocks.

Sometimes, though, Knox
isn’t careful with cocks.
Then he wakes up some mornings
And is ill with the pox.
So he stays at home naked
And jerks off into socks.
Then he takes all his money
And walks a few blocks
To the Gooberfloob Grocery
Located on Phlox*
And buys Vioxx** and Hydrox
And two pounds of lox.
But he invests the rest
In technology stocks.
He’s crafty, this Knox!
Like a cocksucking fox.

So if you should happen
To stroll by the docks,
Bend over quickly
and pick up some rocks
And be ready to throw them
At the one they call Knox.
(‘Cause he’s got a big knife
And he’s strong as an ox.)

* An actual street near here.
** Dated!